He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
