it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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