i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
