I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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