So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
