i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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