oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
