You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
