david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
