Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
