As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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