Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
