im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
where are my eyebrows?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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