Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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