K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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