We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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