My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
