Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
