Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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