this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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