You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
