Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
