There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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