Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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