bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
