I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Boobs are out for the taking
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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