Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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