Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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