just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
