You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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