just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I smell like Dick and happiness
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