'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
