This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
