I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
