she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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