News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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