Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
