My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize