Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
