that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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