Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
