this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
