Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
