dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
