i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
