i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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