eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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