It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm getting married
To pizza
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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