STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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