Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
