cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
