You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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