I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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