I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
