Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
