Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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