never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
