woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize