I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
