Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I still have a little drunk in my system
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize