they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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