just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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