if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
