People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Congratulations! We have a period
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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