Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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