Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
