with your own penis?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
