the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
